Apocalypse Nowish

PART THE SECOND

TL;DR: Armageddon, The Illustrated Edition!

IV.

Big as Manhattan, the earthbound comet was discovered mere months ago, which was just enough time for 5,125 new cults and 108 NGOs to form, design some t-shirts and signs, and corner the market on megaphones. Humankind’s pending extinction depressed some, elated others. The climate-change movement was pretty bummed; this wasn’t the anticipated flooding/drought they’d been planning on. The climate-change denialists were also disappointed — a comet could probably be counted as bad weather (albeit from outer space) so they were wrong too. Both groups frequently looked up at the sky, frowned, shrugged, pointed fingers.

Lots of fingers (indexes, middles, pinkies and thumbs, with various combinations and positions thereof) were directed at governments, at technology, at religions, at the firmament, at X… but especially at each other. Violence erupted in the big cities, spread across the country, then across countries. Windows were smashed, parliaments were torched. There were stabbings and shootings. Flags were burned, or unfurled. Bombs, verbal and real, were hurled.

People stopped going to psychics because there was no future.

Masks were worn, or torn off; scalps depilated, and/or assorted wraps or hats adorned. Cars, homes, stores set ablaze. Then government buildings were invaded, as were universities, EV dealerships, and Starbucks. Markets roiled. Chaos was ubiquitous. (Except in Flin Flon. Nothing happened there). Militaries were deployed. Some countries saw this as an opening to settle disputes that had been going on for a couple thousand years, a couple hundred years, a couple years, a couple days. Billionaires enbunkered. Missiles were warmed up. Jets, and TikTok campaigns, were launched.

All because the comet, when it hit, would ignite the atmosphere, create a half-mile high tsunami, then crack Earth in half. Scientists knew this because it was science: the Comet (the New York Times style-guide insisted it be capitalized) was traveling at 130,000 mph. It weighed 186 billion and a half pounds. It had unusual chemical signatures — a strong nickel emission, and a heavy cyanide presence. (That last part freaked people out even more, especially the ones with poison-allergies). Its tail glow was pointed (oddly) towards the Sun. And the Comet was coming in the arrival direction (coincidentally) of the famous “WOW” ¹ signal detected by radio dishes back in 1977.

But it wasn’t odd, nor even coincidental. Because the Comet was, in fact, an interstellar cruise ship. Inside the icy ovaloid boloid-likely behemoth were a few ammonia wave pools, some methane skating rinks, 3 nickel climbing walls, and 4 casinos. There was also an outdoor disco at the front of the ship. (It was beautifully lit with a diatomic carbon glow). The ship had been state of the art when first launched, but it was starting to show its age over the millennia. (To maximize profits the cruise line wasn’t doing as much upkeep — i.e. they replaced the club’s speakers with much cheaper units after a superstar DJ blew out the high-end subwoofers in the ‘70s ²). The universal positioning system had gotten a little wonky — it had recently set the ship a little off-course. By happenstance, directly at Earth.

But the Captain, long on the job, noticed the glitch. With a solid thwack he reset the system. So the ship safely passed Earth. As it was doing so, the Captain (capitalized per the Interstellar Yacht Times style-guide) suggested to the passengers to “Look out a port-side window for a lovely view”. Only one passenger bothered to, and only because she was right next to a portal as she stood by the bar waiting for her cyanide champagne cocktails. Gazing out the window she became intrigued by the fiery red pillars, with their incandescent white and yellow caps, that were popping up all around the blue ball. They were pretty, even as they turned black.

Her drinks arrived. She grabbed them with her tentacles, and hustled off to play some baccarat.

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V.

(as the world tree trembles (as boiling water overtops mountains (as a blazing comet scorches the sky (as the sun rises in the west (as the roiling seas blacken (as the moon turns to blood the old man closes his eyes) the young woman draws her last breath) the child crumples to the ground) the elderly woman yields) the teenager is slammed by the winds) he yanks out the neural link)

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VI.

A tech CEO was kinda done with things. He decided he would rather just be by himself, so he bought the island of St Helena (far, far away, and famous for Napoleon’s final exile). He spent all his billions constructing a gargantuan “underground mansion” — so big it needed 143 Roombas — and stocking it with food, water, live animals and Beyond Meat printers (just in case). When it was done, he had nothing left — the small modular reactor and immense solar panel fields had really eaten up the last of his money. But everything was ready now… so he launched his bespoke AI, which was designed to destroy the world. The grid, satellites, banks, Beeple NFTs, it was all going down. The whole kit and caboodle for the quit and skedaddle.

People were so busy increasingly fact-checking each other on social media and day-traders were so incessantly asking ChatGPT for naked short-volatility gamma exposure and other stock strategies that…there…just…wasn’t…enough compute to pull off his AIpocalypse. (And in fact by algorithmic law from now on there never would be³).

So. He spent the rest of his days following Bonaparte’s footpaths around the island and overtop the mountains. (That, and inscribing his memoirs into the catastrophe-proof stone tablets he’d stored in the basement next to the sexbots).

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VII.

(as the world tree trembles (as boiling water overtops mountains (as a blazing comet scorches the sky (as the jaguar consumes the sun (as the roiling seas blacken (as the moon turns to blood the old man takes one last breath and hits quit) the young woman exits the capsule) the child takes off the headset) the elderly woman removes the visor) the teenager steps out of the hologram) he yanks out the neural link)

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VIII.

The world will end not with a bang, but a robodog’s whimper.

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NOTES:

• 1 -The WOW signal was a strong, narrowband radio signal detected on August 15, 1977, by the Ohio State University’s Big Ear radio telescope. It appeared to come from the constellation Sagittarius and is widely thought to be a potential sign of extraterrestrial intelligence because of its unusual intensity and frequency near the hydrogen line (a common frequency used in SETI searches). The signal lasted about 72 seconds and has never been observed again despite numerous follow-up efforts. (Yeah, because that superstar DJ never got booked again). It was called the WOW signal because astronomer Jerry R. Ehman wrote those letters in the margin of the computer printout showing the signal, and it sounds cooler than the MOM signal.

• 2 - By chance it was the ‘70s for the aliens too (71,977 in their calendar, to be precise) and they were also in the disco cycle of civilizations.

• 3 - A variation of Jevon’s Paradox, which states that as technological improvements increase the efficiency with which a resource is used, the overall consumption of that resource will increase exponentially (as will its power needs).

• Obvs. nods (odes?) to Bradbury (“There Will Come Soft Rains”), T.S. Eliot ( “The Hollow Men” ), Douglas Adams (“Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”) and all the Kurt Vonnegut and Philip K. Dick books.

• The first film depicting humanity’s active role in destroying the world is Crack in the World (1965), where a scientist attempts to tap into the Earth’s magma layer to harness geothermal energy with disastrous results. The first film to depict the world being destroyed, period, is Verdens Undergang (1916), showing the Earth’s destruction by a comet.

• Global doomsdays:

  Hindu: Kali Yuga — the Fourth Age (capitalized per the Mahabharata style-guide) and the final one, d.b.a the Iron Age or Dark Age. It began at midnight on 18 February 3102 BCE. There are ~426,000 years remaining before it ends. That’s two to the power of 17,040 “greats” in front of “granddaughter”’s away

  Norse: Ragnarök — the apocalypse as described in the Poetic Edda as civil war and moral collapse. What’s needed for it to be happening: a serpent named Jörmungandr to rise from the sea. (Reportedly seen recently off the coast of San Francisco).

  Hopi: Saquasohuh— a “Blue Kachina” appears in the heavens. Not a doll, nor a Sasquatch, but a star, which signals the imminent end of the current world (so four strikes and we’re out).

  Zulu & Nguni — floods and fire as forms of divine punishment. (Same ol’ same ol’).

  Ethiopian eschatology — emphasizes the Second Coming of Christ, the resurrection of the dead, and the final judgment. What’s needed: an increase in wars, famines, and natural disasters, oh my, and the rise of Youtube prophets speaking tongues (my favourite vids FWIW).

  Chinese Buddhists — Maitreya will descend when Dharma has decayed. Cyclical ongoing world destruction every 500 or 5,000 years. ((((See parentheses story above))))

  Maya: Long Count — 13 baktun cycle completed on 21 Dec 2012. So: Apocalypse Then.

  Shinto (Japanese): no ultimate end of the world, not even a Godzilla (boring!) Instead, a transition to spiritual realms

• All the AIs thought the first (((nested))) story was dark—all that death stuff— and that the second one was more positive (the characters had agency.) Then I pointed out — a sign of the End Times, surely, arguing with AI —that the first one is more hopeful, the apocalypses get stopped (he —we— finally come out of the brackets), whereas in the second one they continue forever (we just exit into the next set of brackets, and brackets…). ChatGPT, Claude, Perplexity, Grok, all expressed chagrin on missing that. (They all also didn’t get why “especially the ones with poison allergies” was funny, so…). They did have some interesting interpretations of the robodog story —though, when having them “look” or analyze the photo accompanying it, none noticed that the robodog appeared to be praying — the main reason for including the photo. Maybe its cuz AI doesn’t have religion, or eyes.

• The Greek root of “apocalypse” (apokalypsis) literally means “revelation”, not merely destruction. “Revelation” often implies an enlightening or astonishing disclosure—something surprising or significant being uncovered. (Every story is an apokalypsis).

• Sez ChatGPT after it’s all done analyizing Apocalypse Now and Again: “The author uses the Notes to literally step outside the brackets of the narrative, mirroring the first bracketed story’s “coming out of parentheses.” (Hmmm.)

• This series of photographs, “The Apocalypse, Illustrated!”, is (((nested))) within the larger photographic series The Window. All images in the series are taken of chance circumstances, shot from a single location, by hand, over days, months, years, and are afterwards grouped thematically (metaphorically, topically, philosophically, culturally cheekily, etc). Kind of a meta-photography project, meaning arrived at not just visually but through connections via language, intuition, and the zeitgeist. And imagination. This is part 74 or so, I don’t know exactly and it doesn’t matter, the world’s gonna end anyway.

from the “What’s the Point” subseries. The pointing lady, top of this page, is also in this series, right side near top.

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BONUS IMAGE: for some, it is apocalypse now

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all art by K.I.A.; more art (painting, installation, prints, etc ) here: www.nu4ya.com