a funny story about the end of the world
Armaggiddyon
TL;DR: a fAIrytale for The Window
Once upon a time a group of mischievous aliens decided to play the ultimate prank on humanity. They invented an intergalactic trickster device and called it the Apocalypse-o-matic™. Its algorithm formulated a strategic plan of hi-tech hijinks designed to make Earth people’s heads spin. (But in a good way, mostly.)
These extraterrestrial jesters disguised themselves as ordinary everyday Earthlings. They infiltrated research labs and businesses, where they tampered with coding and equipment, causing a series of comical yet catastrophic events. First, they created a weather machine (The Weather-o-matic™) and used it to make a global heatwave.
People were sweating so much that water shortages turned into "deodorant wars," with everyone desperately trying to mask their overpowering odors, or going shirtless.
As the chaos escalated, the aliens naturally turned their attention to the alphabet. They started randomly placing huge letters on sidewalks everywhere. People spontaneously started playing RWOS (Real-World Oversized Scrabble™, pronounced “arrwuz”). No one used expletives — not when lugging the large letters around, nor in the words they made. It was communal conflict-free fun (though somewhere in Brooklyn there was a mild discussion of whether the word “qi” was acceptable).
Next the extraterrestrials embedded every balloon with AI. They also made each one self-replicating, stealthy, and empathic. So smart free-range feeling balloons were suddenly everywhere, and they loved to sneak into people’s hands, especially to lighten up disappointing life moments, like when you have to wear plastic bags on your feet.
After that success, the ETs caused more joyous chaos by hacking payment systems to make all oversized festive headwear free. (Shortly thereafter, mindful of inclusivity, low-height headwear like bald-caps were also granted gratis status). People were often inspired to don matching festive bodywear.
ETs then made all bikes communal so you could exercise and socialize at the same time. (They called it Socialcize™, but calling it Socialcise was fine too.)
Through their shenanigans the aliens brought people closer together. Neighbors and strangers who had never spoken before became friends over their shared experiences. Some even got married.
Everyone laughed and did their own pranks, even policemen.
People embraced a new era of lightheartedness and camaraderie, and from that time forward, humanity celebrated the anniversary of the Cosmic Apocalypse Prank™ (or CAP, pronounced “cap”) with laughter, good humor, and a deep appreciation for the absurdity of life.
The aliens never revealed themselves, and — after making sure to trademark all their inventions — returned to their own galaxy. Full of joy, laughter, and a newfound resilience, the world continued to spin, and spin, and spin. (In good way, mostly).
MORE PHOTO SETS FROM “THE WINDOW”:
The Crosswalk (set of 80+ diverse portraits crossing the street):
NOTES:
-nothing is a thread, all is a web: to visually connect disparate photos from The Window series in a non-obvious manner, i did the obvious: i went to that oracle of delphai, chatGPT. the prompt i used was “write a funny fairytale about the end of the world”. i had intended to match photos to the verbatim generated text, but, like many a cheating Harvard student, i realized i better edit rewrite it a little. (and by little i mean nearly everything, cuz AI? AIn’t so funny™). still, there was one oddball idea it “thought of” that i appreciated: self-aware donuts that wreaked havoc. alas, in the 24/7 year+ of shooting photos from the window, i captured not a single donut photo, so… balloons. i did, despite reservations, keep the AI’s “apocalypse-o-matic” portmanteau, and its sentence about deodorant wars, which went unchanged except for adding “or going shirtless”. anywho, it’s all about the images.
-Thanks for reading! (ChatGPT generated < that sentence. The prompt for it was: “Write a phrase of gratitude as if it had come from prankster aliens who invaded Earth and used a device they programmed to create expressions of appreciation, with the device, which they would patent, being called the Thanks-o-matic™”.)