Gravity sans Gravitas

the unbearable heaviness of being (but)

TL; DR: being on your back becomes ubiquitous

He was tired of always falling at 32 feet per second. Everyone was, but even more so when gravity, due to anomalous cosmic circumstances, became five times that.

No one knew exactly how it happened, but in a very sort period of time, things got heavy on planet Earth. Things weren’t looking up.